2017-07-13 / Columns

Enough with frogs, ready for prince

Ela Lindsay

SMOOCHERS ANONYMOUS—Kissing frogs while looking for a prince can lead to disillusionment. But if at first you don’t succeed, and all that . . . SMOOCHERS ANONYMOUS—Kissing frogs while looking for a prince can lead to disillusionment. But if at first you don’t succeed, and all that . . . You might be familiar with an old saying often stitched on lacy pillows or etched on plaques: “You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your handsome prince.”

I’ve been aware of this quote for years, but only lately have I decided to ponder it. I’ve certainly kissed a few metaphorical green amphibians in my single life, but not one has come close to morphing into that promised prince.

Oh sure, every once in a while there’s been a spark that made me wonder if this could be the beginning of the magic that made My Prince a reality. But now that I’m older and supposedly wiser, I’m beginning to wonder how many I’m meant to smooch before that perfect match comes along.

This means I’ve had more than one significant other during my lifetime. And I guess I’ll dutifully keep kissing frogs until mine finally and magically “poofs” into reality once again.

I guess, like the fairy tales themselves, I still believe in true love, otherwise why would I even bother? Why would I consent to put myself through all the hoopla (or are they just hoops?) to searching, meeting, dating and kissing over and over again?

These days, it feels more like I’m conducting job interviews, and attending them as well. Name, birth date, skills, attributes, where do we see ourselves in five or 10 years? The questions come from both sides and, if you’re lucky, you actually ask the ones that matter.

For example, forgetting to find out in advance whether someone is a raging alcoholic or pill-popper before you fall madly in love with them can be crucial. Other crucial questions: Are you married? Have kids living with you? Do you have a job? Transportation?

Etc., etc., etc.

All in all, it’d probably be easier to kiss frogs than to continue going on these lengthy looking for love interviews called dating.

I got to thinking: If women are supposed to kiss frogs to find their Handsome Prince, then what are men smooching in order to meet their Fair Maidens or Beautiful Princesses? Should they be kissing newts? Baby salamanders?

And with all this amphibious smooching going on, isn’t there a strong risk of catching something that’s definitely not a perfect partner?

Sigh.

However, as I always try to find the positive in every situation, the good news is: According to WomansDay.com, a vigorous kiss can burn as many as 90 calories per hour. Whoo-hoo.

On the other hand, maybe it’d just be easier to take up embroidering cute little sayings on pillows: “I must be part squirrel. I attract nuts.”

Ela Lindsay is a single writer in Ventura County. To catch up on her bimonthly columns, visit theacornonline.com. For comments or suggestions, email elindsay@theacorn.com.

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