I recall a poster I had as a young college student. It was a watercolor of a large group of flamingos. In the midst of the group was one ostrich. The title was, “The Need to Belong.”

Social psychologists Roy Baumeister, PhD, and Mark Leary, PhD, have extensively examined motivation in social interactions. Their findings support the notion that most of us are exquisitely sensitive to rejection, to the point that repeated incidents can lead to depression and other psychological disorders. People also report a failure of self-regulation or loss of mastery and self-control.

Kip Williams, PhD, a noted ostracism expert, used MRI studies to examine what happens to the brain when participants playing video games felt excluded, either intentionally or not. The area of the brain responsible for pain detection lit up, and players reported feeling emotional pain.

This makes sense from an evolutionary standpoint. Humans evolved in a social network where survival depended upon being included and accepted. The consequence of group rejection often served as a necessary deterrent for problematic individual behaviors.

Overall research findings support ostracism as a powerful social tool even today. Most of us recall middle school, with its preponderance of social cliques, as a painful first chapter in our awareness of personal rejection. It comes at a time when our adolescent angst is at its zenith. We feel the least attractive to ourselves or our peers and want desperately to fit in.

Psychoanalyst Erik Erikson, in his psychosocial theory of development, terms this stage Identity versus Identity Confusion. This is a time of life when we become aware of individual defining characteristics and how they fit or don’t fit into the social environment. We are deeply concerned about the perceptions of others.

Affirmation by our peers, or popularity, is sought after, and we need to feel that we belong to a special group. Group affiliation, long studied in social psychology, supports self-esteem and is one of the best remedies for loneliness, anxiety and even physical illness.

Even in adulthood we need to belong. As adults, our workplace environments often represent that “special group” that we desire to find acceptance in. We spend the bulk of our time in them and usually interact with a variety of people, some very closely.

If we are unable to fit in or we feel ostracized at some important level, it can have disastrous consequences on productivity and self-esteem.

A client who was in the prime of her work life with many years of experience described being in a work setting in which younger, less experienced employees were valued over seasoned workers. This was demonstrated repeatedly in choice assignments being given to the younger employees, more opportunities for advancement and a general climate of favoritism in which the supervisors publicly praised them and invited them for lunch or other special meetings.

The older employees were ignored or relegated to less favorable assignments and temporary positions. My client began to question her ability and lose confidence.

The work environment, governed by an authoritarian, narcissistic director, became one in which no one spoke up out of fear of rejection and/or loss of special status.

Morale deteriorated and many competent employees, including my client, left for other jobs.

Workplace environments are not the only places where we can feel ostracized. It occurs in any group setting where social hierarchies create opportunities for someone to be excluded.

In the past, ostracism has been used to serve society’s need for conformity and the shaping of nondeviant individual behaviors. However, it can also be used as a weapon with negative consequences for any of us who find ourselves on the losing end.

It takes sensitivity and courage to stand up against rejection, especially when it is being perpetrated by powerful others. It takes strength of character to walk away from a group that treats people unfairly.

But isn’t that what our country was founded on and what the Constitution is all about?

Deborah Barber, PhD, a clini cal psychologist in Westlake Vil lage, can be reached at (818) 512 7923 or visit the website www.DrDeborahBarber.com.