At a recent meeting with my publishers at the Acorn , a column on acorn recipes was suggested. With the utmost confidence, I said, “Oh, for sure, that would be fun!” I even tossed my head back just a little, adding to the aura of my culinary competence.

When I got home, I jumped online and googled “acorn recipes.” Bingo! I found Grandpappy’s Basic Acorn Recipes. If anyone should know a thing or two about acorn recipes, it would be Grandpappy, right?

But acorn and cornmeal mush? That wasn’t what I had in mind. Acorn grits ? Well again, no, thank you. Hmm, better: acorn ginger bread, acorn molasses cookies and acorn pancakes. Yum. I knew Grandpappy and I would figure it out.

So where do I get the required acorn flour?

Apparently nowhere! Gather the acorns? Soak the acorns for how long? Grind the acorns? What’s tannic acid or tannin? And how many boilings until I “taste the nutmeat”? Grandpappy also gave me some “essential uses for the brown acorn water.”

In my own defense, I’m no sissy when it comes to challenges—especially when it concerns my aspiring writing career. As a journalism student at CSUN, I went up in a hot air balloon over the San Fernando Valley, utility lines and all, to cover the opening of a restaurant. The balloon crashed in a field in Chatsworth. Banged and bruised but always the trouper, I returned to the restaurant for the press dinner.

Then, as a freelance writer for California Bicyclist, I trained for and completed “a century”—a 100-mile bike ride. All 100 miles on the same day. Guess who finished last ? But I finished.

But gathering acorns, soaking them, reading about “cold water flushing methods,” oh, I just couldn’t. I set the assignment to the side of my desk for a very long time. But the thought of viable acorn recipes keeps haunting me.

And so, my dear Acorn readers, consider this the Acorn Epicurean’s SOS. Please forward any acorn recipes that do not involve: gathering, soaking, multiple boilings and “Caution!” statements warning me that “if a musty smell is present, throw the acorns away.”

Or, as an alternative, let me know where I can purchase a bag of ready-to-use acorn flour. I’m ready to bake.

Federson may be reached at pattif@theacorn.com.