Nearly 20 parents came together last week in Los Cerritos Middle School's multipurpose room to get advice on talking about sex with their children.

"Sex and Sexuality, Your Teen" was led by guest speaker Brenda Hunter. Conejo Council Parent-Teacher Association hosted the free seminar.

Hunter is executive director of Conejo Valley's Neighborhood for Learning. She's worked with pregnant teens as well as children who've suffered abuse. Hunter was also a social worker.

She stressed "promoting sexual integrity" and encouraging children to have a positive view of their own sexuality.

"We are so busy, we are forgetting this important part of our child's development," she said.

Hunter read a sample of questions she anonymously receives from young high school students, asking questions about sex. They want to know the dangers and the advantages, and they even ask technical questions.

She said these are questions parents should get comfortable answering. Creating an open environment for discussions of sexuality is important for parents and children.

"Children have to go through so much alone because they are afraid to ask questions," Hunter said. "They don't have a teachable environment when it comes to sex."

Sex, she said, is "what we do" and sexuality is "who we are."

"Everywhere we go there are messages about sex, yet we rarely see any about sexuality," Hunter said. "Sex is everywhere. But all we say is 'Don't have it.' But we don't say why. We fear that if we talk about it, they'll do it."

But studies show that children raised with the most correct information—not scare tactics—postpone sexual engagement the longest, she said.

"Yes, they're going to get embarrassed, and yes, they are going to complain," Hunter said. "Just keep talking. It's your job.

"What is a teenager's job?" she asked. "It's to pull away from their parents, to disengage. They're going to practice what you taught them . . . or what you didn't teach them.

"I have seen the damage that can happen," said Hunter, referencing the repercussions of teenage sex. "We as a culture are not taking responsibility for it. Sex just happens to be an outcome behavior of a whole bunch of other things. If we take care of those things, we won't have the negative sexual experiences that we see today."

Hunter encouraged parents to research sex by reading and by consulting other adults. Knowing all the facts will help decrease adult discomfort, she said. Also, each family should develop their approach to sex by defining what, for example, abstinence means to them.

Hunter warned families not to make jokes, but to promote a caring and consistent environment when it comes to talking about sex.

"It's important that we teach sexual dignity," Hunter said. "We all deserve a healthy sexual life. It's about respect."