Sell phones

Sell phones

Ready to celebrate? Another brilliant piece of legislation became law on July 1, affecting all Californians, even the blokes in Thousand Oaks wise enough to live beyond the metro.

This new ordinance might eclipse that great law which prevented women in California from wearing housecoats while driving.

Here's the down and dirty on Vehicle Code 23123: you can still drive while text messaging or dialing your cellphone. Anywhere. On the perilous twists of Decker Canyon or the bucolic straits of Potrero Road. From Las Posas to Las Virgenes, there's no loss for words.

You can text or dial to your heart's content while cruising at 55 mph.

Whew. That's a relief. T-h-a-t-s- a- r-e-l-i-e-f.

L-O-L. T-T-Y-L.

Once the call goes through or you've run into the monument sign at the Civic Arts Plaza while texting, you must put down the phone to continue your conversation. Of course. Because it isn't safe to hold the phone while talking and driving, in case you didn't know.

But it is safe to punch those little buttons till you smash into a tree or pitch your car off the 23 Freeway overpass.

For the talking, you must use a "handsfree" device. Which confirms that the politicians in Sacramento were operating with "brains-free" devices when they enacted this law.

So relax. The Big Bohunks in Sacramento have solved our problems. I guess we don't have to worry about 19-year-old Sara who just broke up with her boyfriend, frantically driving down Westlake Boulevard bound for Target to snag the first "One Tree Hill" DVD while texting her 17 closest friends, her ex-ex-boyfriend, her Lancer cheerleader coach, her boss at Pinkberry and every guy she's kissed in the last three years.

All at the same time.

Within the law.

Going 70 mph down the 101, eyes filled with tears- - focused on the keypad. Not the road.

No worries.

You worried?

So the Ritz in Sacramento (do ya think there's a Ritz in Sacramento?) must have been crawling with stogie-smoking, over-stuffed, cholesterolsoaked and whiskeymarinated sellphone lobbyists eager to make cellphone manufacturers sleep well, politicians sleep with whomever, while California drivers . . . sleep with the fishes.

I won't laugh any longer about the California law that outlawed driving a bicycle in a swimming pool.

In all fairness, there's another part to their legislative effort which is valid. California Vehicle Code 23124 prohibits cellphone use for all drivers, 18-years and under, for talking, texting, crying, complaining, throwing or ranting- while driving a vehicle. Anywhere. Even on the way to Lancer Band practice.

But once the dawn of age 19 arises, once the vast maturity of 18 full years and one day morph into adults named Tiffany or Travis or Jasmine, wearing Havianas, Eau de Abercrombie and working at The Habit, we no longer have to worry.

Their judgment is sound.

As John Wooden would say, "Goodness gracious sakes alive!"

Elizabeth Kirby lives in Thousand Oaks and her column will appear twice a month. We'll soon have an email address for readers to contact her.