Okay, so I'm a guy. My wife, Mrs. Nut, is a woman. When we discovered that "Sex and the City" and "You Don't Mess with the Zohan" would be playing simultaneously, we thought, great! Chick flick. Guy flick. Everybody's happy.

For months, the buzz swirling around "Sex and the City" has been Greatest Chick Flick Ever Made! I've seen the HBO series on occasion, y'know, between beers, flipping between Laker games and Dodger games and sumo wrestling on ESPN7. Guy things. (By the way, if you've never seen televised sumo wrestling, it's a trip.)

So I'd seen the show a few times. (Something to do with the title. Sex. Great marketing.) It's really more about angst and Louis Vuitton and apple martinis, but it had a few good moments, especially when Chris Noth was around, a rich guy who was, in a former life, the cool cop on "Law & Order."

Because Mrs. Nut wanted company, I found myself suddenly compelled to see the flick.

Guess what? I really enjoyed "Sex and the City." It was humorous, witty, intelligent, and there was even sex! It was also scary in places, as the four principal characters, all upscale N.Y. babes, aren't particularly nice to men. In fact, the only film where I remember men being treated more badly is "Night of the Living Dead." These women seemed downright vile.

Should you be unaware, the film returns HBO's Sarah Jessica Parker, Kristen Davis, Kim Cattrall and Cynthia Nixon. A decade ago (1998-2004) these best friends wandered Manhattan seeking men and shopping for shoes. In the film they do similar things, except their men are either in captivity or about to be.

Early into the film I whispered to my wife, "These women are brutal." I was sitting in the theater white-knuckled.

And my wife replied, "It's society's fault. Society still treats women like second-class citizens. When women don't feel adequate, they look to their men to reflect their own value as a human being. When their partners don't live up to their expectations, women feel unworthy about themselves. They're really lashing out at their own demons, not at their men."

Whoa.

She really said that. Which is why people don't like to sit near us in theaters. But it made sense.

And suddenly I saw "Sex and the City" as a primer for men. These weren't cold-hearted women sweeping us up like so many hapless dust bunnies. They were marshmallow-cored creatures looking for acceptance(Okay, maybe on their terms, bunobody's perfect.) And theimen, God love 'em, somehow understood this.

So despite the brand-name dropping, perfect apartmensearching and man-bashing, this

is a seriously good flick about relations and the differences between men and women. And it's funny, too. If you've seen the trailer, it's deceptive, so you really don't know what's going to happen. And if you're a guyyou'll learn a thing or two.

Here's what else I learned. Women=intelligence. Men= stupidity. At least according to Hollywood. "You Don't Mess With the Zohan" looked like slapstick fun in trailers. In reality, it's a typical, dumbed-down (way down) Adam Sandler moron-athon.

Sandler plays an agent in Israel's Mossad who's tired of killing, so he sneaks into America to become a hairstylist. I expected a few lame gay jokes early on, but the lame gay jokes never really ended, nor did the lame sexual allusion or the lame cultural barbs.

After an hour of slinging rude, stereotypical cracks about Arabs and Jews, the film goes for the oh-so-expected happy ending about everyone living in harmony. It's like kicking somebody a dozen times then handing them a Band-Aid thinking they'll be grateful.

Oh, and Sandler takes his elderly clients into the back room for a little "extra" styling. (Sandler has no problem touting his sexual prowess.) My reaction? Ewww. We also see a lotta butt cheeks. Sandler must really love his own butt. Good for him.

Yeah, there are a few funny moments. But these are interspersed with too many gags that don't work. Were there even film editors involved here?

Another gripe. The cute, French "Roman de Gare" garnered an R rating for one or two sexually suggestive lines. "Zohan" gets a PG-13 for a great deal of gratuitous, highly suggestive sexual innuendo. I don't get it. Who's watching the system? I'm utterly against censorship, but I am a purveyor of common sense.

Well, I'd rant more, but I'm off to Beverly Hills to look for something Prada.