Connecting

Trauma in everyday life

As fires continue to burn throughout southern California, we are reminded of how suddenly we can be impacted by something beyond our control. All it takes is an abrupt wind change, a single ember and years of home life and treasured possessions can be swept away.

We watched on television as tearful homeowners returned to charred ruins and others described walls of fire coming ever closer to their neighborhoods. We were all affected, even if the fires did not reach our homes this time.

As a disaster mental health responder, I was called out to two shelters over the course of the week. In both, I was amazed and gratified by the outpouring of help from concerned citizens and businesses. The walls of the gyms were loaded with food, water, clothing and other items donated by individuals. Businesses contributed hot meals, blankets, pillows and toys. There was a steady stream of nearby neighbors offering housing and help for pets. Schoolchildren wanted to raise money for fire victims.

On the news, a woman was about to sift through the burned remnants of her home for a family heirloom. In reply to a reporter's question, she said she had "come to terms with her loss." She was tearful because she was with a group of friends and family and "hadn't realized that so many people cared so much about her." This was what mattered to her, not the material loss.

With so many things dividing us, it is heartening to witness how we come together during times of crisis. It seems to break down barriers and cause people to realize "there but for the grace of God go I." It promotes connections that otherwise would not occur. It wakes us up to how much and how many we have to be grateful for.

However, it doesn't last. All too soon, we go back to the routines and petty issues that we temporarily left behind. We scream at other drivers and take dangerous chances on the freeway. We become impatient in line and push past others. Our lives become consumed with "little traumas" that build until we need to vent our frustration and anger.

Is there any way to keep a "crisis perspective" in everyday life? Can we recall the connections made during a disaster and keep them active even when things are normal or routine?

It's true that everyday life is filled with trauma anyway- trouble with a child or a boss, problems in marriage, a long freeway commute. Experts tell us that chronic stress wears away at us physically, mentally and emotionally. We usually succumb to denial or apathy or illness over time if this is not alleviated. Our perspectives are narrowed and our world may consist only of ourselves in survival mode.

The American Psychological Association reminds us that we can experience vulnerability from being vicarious witnesses to the results of trauma, watching news coverage on television, for example. We may feel relief as well as guilt over not being directly affected, adding to our psychological burden.

Experts in the field of disaster response are working to build disasterresistant communities. Part of that mandate is to teach people how to take care of themselves psychologically as well as physically so that trauma stress reactions don't develop. This includes personal awareness of daily stressors and actively working to promote healthy attitudes and practices.

Personal and community support networks are also vital in increasing stress resiliency. Being prepared is another way to manage stress; the American Red Cross has family disaster planning information available through its website, www.redcross.org. Finally, it is important to utilize our strengths and find a productive way to be of service. Helping others adds to selfesteem and increases community connection.

We need one another; we cannot cope alone. In fact, community survival following a crisis event is dependent upon the efforts of its people, not just the "professionals" such as police, fire or government agencies, to restore affected community members.

So, get involved yourself. Don't let the minor traumas of everyday living get you down. However trauma arrives, let's not forget its potential to broaden our perspectives on life and create opportunities for self-discovery.

Deborah Barber, PhD, is a clinical psychologist in Oak Park. Reach her at (818) 512-7923. Send questions/comments to askDrDB @yahoo.com.