"Our most basic assumption is that we are the way we see ourselves and the world is the way we see it. We are taught to believe life should be a certain way and we should be a certain way. When it isn't and we aren't, we assume there's something wrong and something should be done to fix things. Suffering happens when we want life to be other than the way it is." - Cheri Huber

It was 1:30 p.m. and I was sitting in my car on the 101 Freeway at a dead standstill. The traffic hadn't moved 50 feet in the past 20 minutes.

Thoughts were racing through my mind, such as: "It's not supposed to be this way on the freeway at 1:30 in the afternoon . . . where did all these people come from, and why aren't they at work or at home where they should be?"

I was really becoming a participant in the drama when suddenly, like a Greyhound bus in the fast lane, a phrase that I read in a book by the Buddhist mystic Ram Doss came roaring through my head: "Be here, now."

Given the awareness that I really had no other choice, I started laughing so hard I'm sure my fellow gridlocked sojourners must have thought I'd finally lost it. I had caught myself red-handed not practicing what I preach, and it was a delicious moment to be reminded of where my inner peace and power lie- within, not on the 101 Freeway only when the conditions are just as I think they should be.

The realization I had was that my mind wanted my body to be someplace other than where it was at that instant and I was suffering because of it. What a liberating moment that was for me- nothing had to change but my perspective and I was totally at peace, actually enjoying the moment, sitting in the fast lane of the freeway doing 2½ miles per hour.

Would fretting that I'd be late for my appointment move traffic along any quicker? Of course not. I suspect most of us have been caught in similar conditions and have become victims of a mindset that simply can't accept things the way they are because it's not the way it's "supposed to be," or we simply didn't plan on having something happen the way it did, or the classic line, "It just wasn't fair!"

In the East, there is a wellknown saying that contains great wisdom: "Pain in life is a given, but suffering is a choice." Truly, suffering happens when we want life to be other than the way it is in the moment.

This is not to say there aren't times when it would be preferable to have some things different from how they are in the moment, and when possible in those times, we need to be able and willing to take appropriate action, or cease fretting about it.

But think about it: In many circumstances, such as mine on the freeway, we make the assumption there is something wrong.

Question: Where was wrong taking place- on the freeway or in my mind?

Clearly, I had no control over the tens of thousands of cars on the freeway, and making it wrong for the freeway to be gridlocked was a choice I made, based on my assumption it should have been different than it was at that moment in time.

In moments like these, if we choose to, we can spiritualize the experience by making what is referred to as "The Divine Surrender." I think the Serenity Prayer often used in recovery groups says it best: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference."

The secret to inner peace is being present enough in every moment to witness how we see the world and ourselves and, accordingly, where we place our power. Think about this the next time you are on the freeway, zooming along in the fast lane at 2½ miles per hour.

Be here now! Dennis Merritt Jones is the spiritual director for OneSpirit Center for Conscious Living in Simi Valley. His website is www.OneSpirit.org.