Some people worship God, others Allah. There are those who put their faith in money, cars, Jah, cosmetic surgery or Buddha. The list goes on.

Me? I pray to Mother Ocean.

She's the one that cleanses my soul, makes me pure and takes me to a happy place spiritually. In Mother Ocean I trust.

This time of year, however, our relationship sometimes turns sour.

While many folks rejoice summer as a time of untapped freedom and celebration, I find it to be a total nuisance. It all boils down to one simple fact: crowds in the water.

I've been a beach person my entire life, always lived at the beach, always will.

It's not the visitors that bother me, it's the endless stampede of surfers that jam lineups throughout the coast that chaps my backside.

Call it The Endless Bummer.

Nevertheless, things aren't going to get better anytime soon. The crowds will continue to grow and the earth will continue to shrink.

So, in order to assist some of the surfers who'll be gracing the water for the first time during the next few months, I've compiled a five-step, water conscious plan. Follow these rules, newbie, and you'll fit right in just in time for Labor Day.

ESCAPING THE RAT RACE-South of the border things tend to get a little less crowded than, say, County Line or Ventura Point. A south swell lights up the Mexican coast. Good luck finding it. Maps won't be provided.

Rule 1 - Rollin' Deep: Yes, the price of gas is outrageous, and carpooling is better suited for the environment, so I'm all for that. But please, if you're going to hit the local point-break with seven of your boys, at least break up into groups of two to give the illusion that your crew isn't single-handedly destroying the scene for everyone else.

I usually roll alone, mostly because I have no friends, but it just seems to work out a little better that way. Try it sometime.

Rule 2 - Dropping In: There are two types of people that'll drop in on you-those who don't know and those who don't care. Either way, they're both kooks.

Remember when Mom or Dad told you to look both ways before crossing the street? The same idea applies here. Before pointing your board down the face of an incoming wave, look left and then look right, and if there's nobody going, it's all yours.

It's simple in theory but can become tough after you've been sitting in the water for an hour and can't seem to get a single wave to yourself. If that's the case, just keep waiting, because everyone gets lucky at some point.

Rule 3 - Don't Be That Guy: There's always somebody who feels it's necessary to scream "Whoo Hooo!" every time they get a semi-decent wave. Don't be that guy-or girl. You'll get a lot more respect by actually surfing well than you will by telling everyone how well you surf.

Moreover, don't be the one who's always yelling "Go! Go! Go!" Trust me, most people know when it's time to go on a wave, they don't need your help.

Rule 4 - Attire: In most cases plain-colored trunks will work just fine. You don't need to wear shorts that are so bright they can be spotted from the moon. Keep it simple. Keep it real.

Also, if you're wearing a wetsuit, which is pretty standard around these parts, do not leave shorts on under you suit. There's nothing more ridiculous than watching some dude try to pull his wetsuit on over his trunks. You'll be dead before you hit the water.

Rule 5 - Leave: Look, just because some lady's been surfing 1st Point since World War I doesn't mean you have to do the same. If someone's "local" and never travels, that's their problem, not yours.

One of the best surf trips of my life was driving to Cabo San Lucas with a few friends when we were 17 years old. When the south swells start cranking, it gets good to the north and to the south. Don't be afraid to get out of L.A. or Ventura.

Well folks, I hope that helps a little. Please remember to pick up your trash. And ladies, don't forget that nothing's sexier than a deep wetsuit tan. Good night, and good luck.