Women and the Pursuit

of Perfection

If you're the parent of a daughter and read the recent New York Times piece by the dean of admissions at Kenyon College, you might well be concerned. As she acknowledged in her article, at her college and others like it, getting admitted is tougher for women than for men.

Many selective liberal arts colleges receive applications from three well-qualified females for every male, and since students and administrators do not want a campus that is 75 percent female, admissions officers are practicing affirmative action for men.

Men are admitted if they are qualified, but women need to be more qualified and have a "hook" to set them apart. While I have been hearing this from admissions officers for several years, the public disclosure of this practice is generating discussion, and I would not be surprised to see lawsuits in the near future.

Accomplished young women who want full consideration based on their merit can look to elite women's colleges, where strong female applicants are in demand. Schools like Mount Holyoke, Wellesley and Scripps have a great track record of preparing young women for successful careers, graduate study and leadership roles.

But very few of my students are willing to consider singlesex colleges, and it is important to remember that there are still many excellent, if less wellknown, co-ed colleges admitting women who are good students.

The irony is that while young women are so successful at preparing for college, and they graduate from college at higher rates than men, their accomplishments don't necessarily instill lasting confidence.

The Duke Women's Initiative, which was launched in 2002, found that women were graduating from Duke University with less self-confidence than they had when they arrived. Senior men and freshmen women had the highest levels of self-confidence, so it seems that men are gaining confidence while at Duke, and women are losing it.

They found that while women may have leadership positions in the arts and sororities, they are not serving as president of student government. Women on campus feel pressure to be thin, to get "A" grades and to be popular.

Fraternities dominate the social scene and women feel they must play by the men's rules. The need to be perfect does not end with college admission, but seems to intensify in college.

This sad state of affairs is certainly not unique to Duke. A recent UCLA survey found that 38 percent of college women frequently feel overwhelmed.

To its credit, the Duke administration has responded by establishing the Baldwin Scholars Program. This new four-year program aims to help women develop leadership skills and self-confidence.

Faculty and alumnae serve as mentors. Eighteen students a year are selected to live together, take academic seminars, and attend special lectures and dinners. The hope is that these women will start to change the campus culture.

The pursuit of perfection is a real burden for young women, especially at a time when competition for college admission is so intense.

What can a parent do? Encourage your daughter to focus on developing her talents and interests in high school, rather than making decisions based on what would please college admissions officers. If she can learn to accept her imperfections, she'll be prepared to create a successful college experience. And, more importantly, a satisfying life.

Note: I'll be talking about summer programs at the Ventura College Fair on Tues., April 25. The fair, at Seaside Park, runs from 5 to 9 p.m., and my workshop is scheduled from 6:50 to 7:20 p.m. I hope to see you there!

Audrey Kahane, MS, is an independent college admissions counselor in West Hills. She can be reached at (818) 704-7545 or at audreykahane@earthlink.net