“King Kong” Directed by: Peter Jackson

Starring: Naomi Watts, Jack Black, Adrien Brody, Thomas Kretschmann, Jamie Bell, Kyle Chandler and Andy Serkis (as both Kong and Seaman “Lumpy”)

MPRA rating: PG-13 (action violence including a few gruesome deaths)

Running time: 181 minutes

Best suited for: Although I abhor this expression, here goes: for kids of all ages

Least suited for: Children under the age of 7 or 8 may be spooked by the intensity of action

Acorn’s Rating Guide:

I remember the first whispers of the “King Kong” buzz many months ago, and thinking: not again. Even with Peter Jackson directing, I had some doubts. Yes, he made “The Lord of the Rings” trilogy, but he also made “Dead Alive.” And, as Hollywood remakes go, we’d recently endured several: “The Fog,” “The Manchurian Candidate,” “House of Wax” and “The Alamo”—not to mention a dozen or so insipid TV updates. And with new versions of “Superman,” the umpteenth “Batman” sequel, “Pride and Prejudice” and “The Producers” on the horizon, I remember wondering, all those months ago: why can’t we just move along?

But I was wrong about Kong. Forget the original. Forget the underwhelming 1976 remake. This century’s Kong is more than simply a guy in a newer ape suit. It’s a first-rate, top-notch adventure that approaches cinematic perfection— that is, it entertains without hesitation, without reservation. Even with a 3-hour running time, there’s barely a missed beat or a false step. This one’s as exhilarating as it is occasionally terrifying, as emotionally touching as it is nerve-wracking. This big ape has heart and a soul. Peter Jackson has made as Shakespearean a monster flick as one can imagine.

Jackson’s visions of Depression-era New York City and the teeming, steaming jungles of Skull Island are astounding. By returning Kong to his early 20th-century roots, Jackson marvelously blended two realities distinctly different from our own—and created a seamless alter-reality that I last experienced in 2004’s “Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow.” This is a stylistic approach that was lacking in Stephen Spielberg’s recent “War of the Worlds.” How more terrifying the Martians are from the perspective of Earthlings circa 1900. How more complete the illusion when we’re so removed from our own reality.

In “King Kong,” the illusion is peerless.

For anyone still unaware of this classic “beauty and the beast” tale: Hack movie director Carl Denham (Jack Black) boards a tramp steamer and leads his film crew to the uncharted Skull Island. They find a prehistoric tribe living in fear of a giant creature named Kong. Deeming Denham’s leading lady a suitable sacrifice to their ape-god, the primitives capture Anne Darrow (Naomi Watts) as a blonde offering. But the giant ape seems more smitten by Darrow than hungry, and the two begin to bond. Meanwhile, the crew, led by Denham and scriptwriter Jack Driscoll (Adrien Brody), tracks Darrow down. The scheming Denham smells a profit in capturing the big ape alive—and so Kong returns to New York in chains. Denham proclaims Kong “the eighth wonder of the world” and predicts a fortune will be made by displaying the beast to the masses.

If only those chains had been a tad stronger.

Anne Darrow’s capture and rescue on Skull Island is, of course, the heart of the film. Dinosaurs roam and giant insects thirst for warm blood. Most of the ship’s crew is eventually reduced to the status of fast food as island life takes its toll. There are some delightfully squirmy moments as needletoothed worms and giant cockroaches devour the hapless sailors. A downhill stampede of dinosaurs (in one of filmdom’s wildest rides ever) takes others. By the time the survivors return Kong to New York, even we’re feeling lucky to be home in one piece.

What’s new here—besides hours of deft CGI wizardry—is Anne Darrow’s relationship with the beast. Original Kong heroine Fay Wray did little but scream and faint in the monster’s presence. Watts’ interplay with the beast is truly touching. At one point, after Kong’s rescued her from a trio of man-eating brutes, she performs a little softshoe and teasingly juggles for His Highness— and the beast seems pleased. As anyone who’s ever owned a pet can attest, the range of emotions is realistic. It’s just that this pet happens to be in the driver’s seat.

One puzzle for sharp-eyed observers: Is lithe Anne Darrow Kong’s first love—or did Kong once have a Skull Island mate? See if you can spot a few clues. See if you can tie in Kong’s fate to that of Mrs. Kong’s.

If there’s any flaw to “King Kong” (hey, I’m a critic; I must at some point criticize), it’s that by the film’s third act the beast is rendered a bit too maudlin. We know the big guy’s going down in the 12th round; Jackson perhaps overplays the sentimentality here and there.

The music swells, the heroin swoons, and just as the doomed, wizened-eyed protagonist finds his first moments of happiness, the Army arrives with guns blazing.

Alas, we knew it all along— and in perhaps the first true monster romantic tragedy, one feels that crass capitalistic greed (see “Syriana”) has again made the world a less pleasant place to live.

In a nutshell: “King Kong” is this year’s closest contender to pure movie magic. Its innovative action, smart performances (particularly by Black and Watts) and convincingly altered reality effectively make this timeless tale timeless again.

Three hours have rarely passed so quickly.