Q: "My family was discussing the appropriateness of serving food after a funeral. Some want to do it and others don’t. What are your thoughts about this?"

Q: "My family was discussing the appropriateness of serving food after a funeral. Some want to do it and others don’t. What are your thoughts about this?"

A: Your question is an excellent one. Serving food before, during and after a funeral or memorial event is commonly done by people of all ethnicities, faiths and socioeconomic backgrounds. In fact, it is becoming much more widespread and frequent throughout the country.

The "funeral feast," as food at funerals is sometimes called, seems to have originated from early Greek funeral practices. During the illness of a person and through the time of his/her burial or cremation, the immediate family would fast. Afterwards, food and wine were served to everyone. The Romans believed the soul, separated at death from the body, remained around the place of death and required constant attention for several days. As a result, food and drink was served to everyone present.

More and more frequently, people want funerals to be a positive memory experience, a personalized event, uplifting not somber, social in its nature, involving the entire "community of friends." Offering food is a symbol of giving support and a way to socialize the occasion. Sometimes the favorite food of the deceased is served. One such reception I attended featured ceviche, an old-world dish from South America in which seafood is cooked in the acidic juice of citrus, not heat.

In early America, it was traditional for neighbors to assist the bereaved and cook meals for several days in a united effort to ease the loss. My father died in 1973 and I’ll never forget the perfectly timed, thoughtful gift of a friend. Returning home from the hospital, my family was too tired and overcome with emotion to prepare food. A friend brought us a full meal of fried chicken and a homemade apple pie. Just as some people will send flowers, other friends and neighbors will bring food to your home. A custom still observed today in Pennsylvania is bringing a "funeral pie" made of raisins to the bereaved. In Milwaukee, Wis. the family often hosts a "funeral breakfast" the morning of the funeral.

Providing food for friends is a symbolic expression of care and respect from the bereaved family. In a way, it is a gesture of reciprocation to those attending and participating in the funeral/memorial events.

Funerals are still an important social function and public event. After the burial or cremation, people are invited to a residence, a restaurant, community/church room, lodge hall or other facility to eat. The immediate family may even form a reception line to greet friends and receive condolences. In addition to food being offered, stories may be told, speeches made, music played, and friendships renewed. In Colonial America, a funeral was an excuse for several days of ceremony, even festivity. People from miles around would bring turkeys, geese, pigs and different kinds of spirits to serve. Games and various contests were held during the several days of mourning.

I highly recommend a gathering with family and friends after the funeral ceremony and serving a meal. It is an appreciated custom and a healthy way to express grief and offer support for everyone present. Funeral customs continue to evolve, and many funeral homes provide catering services and reception facilities for post-funeral receptions. Whether the gathering is "pot luck," formally catered or simply a cake and coffee event, the important thing to remember is: It is not how grand it is done, but that it is done.

Kubasak is a licensed funeral director, embalmer and certified crematory operator. A consultant and lecturer, he can be reached by calling (702) 345-3212 or via e-mail at Mkubasak@aol.com