Helping hands extended for grief-stricken Conejo ValleyFree Access




HAPPY MEMORIES—Off-roading in the desert was a favorite pastime of Borderline shooting victim Jake Dunham, center, seen here with friends Aubrye Thurmond and Marisa Stepp. Support groups have formed to help friends and family of the shooting victims deal with their grief. Courtesy of Brook Weger

HAPPY MEMORIES—Off-roading in the desert was a favorite pastime of Borderline shooting victim Jake Dunham, center, seen here with friends Aubrye Thurmond and Marisa Stepp. Support groups have formed to help friends and family of the shooting victims deal with their grief. Courtesy of Brook Weger

For Brooke Weger, the holiday season meant spending time with her friend Jake Dunham.

The two had been close for eight years since they met through Dunham’s sister, Alexis. They would off-road in the desert, camp in Pismo Beach and hang out one Wednesday a month at Borderline Bar and Grill.

A 23-year-old Moorpark College student studying to become a nurse, Weger even helped choose and trim the Dunham family Christmas tree a couple of years ago.

She said an annual fall tradition for her family and Dunham’s was to spend Thanksgiving together in Ridgecrest, Calif., at a popular camping destination called Dirt Diggers.

This year was different.

Jake Dunham, 21, of Newbury Park was among the 12 victims killed in the Nov. 7 Borderline shooting. Rather than cancel their annual trip, Weger and a group of 130 people gathered near Ridgecrest this past Thanksgiving weekend to honor Dunham and his close friend, Blake Dingman, 21, who also lost his life at Borderline.

“This is the first time I haven’t been with Jake for Thanksgiving in years. Christmas will be just as hard,” Weger said. “It still doesn’t feel real. I feel like they are on vacation and I’m just waiting for them to come back or show up at my door.”

She is among a large number of Conejo Valley residents who are facing a holiday season marked by mourning instead of cheer. Others will be spending Christmas and Hanukkah displaced by the Hill or Woolsey fires, which killed three people and destroyed over 30 homes in the Conejo alone, plus hundreds more in Malibu.

“It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do,” Weger said. “My world feels like it has been flipped upside down. I just pray every day. I want to honor them with everything I do.”

Susan Murata, executive director of Hospice of the Conejo, said officials from the City of Thousand Oaks and the Ventura County district attorney’s office have consulted with her to organize a support group for those affected by the Borderline shooting. Hospice of the Conejo has experience in supporting communities through large-scale loss.

The organization ran an 18-month support group for those impacted by the 2008 fatal crash between a Union Pacific freight train and a Metrolink commuter train in Chatsworth that left 25 people dead and injured more than 130 others.

Murata said the Borderline support group will start in a few months when those in mourning are ready to process their loss in a group setting. But as griefstricken residents approach the holidays under a pall of tears, she said, it is crucial for those who are suffering to reach out to others for help.

She said those in mourning should participate in holiday activities only to the extent they wish to and that decisions like decorating for Christmas are entirely up to the individual.

“Accept your limitations. Don’t be afraid to decline a party invitation,” Murata said. “You have to take care of yourself.”

Weger, who was hanging out with Dunham and Dingman before they left for Borderline Nov. 7, said she’s been relying on the support of her friends and family to make it through these early days of grief.

Several of her friends were there that night, and the Dunham and Dingman families have gone out of their way to make sure the surviving friends are taken care of, Weger said.

“Everyone is trying to heal together. Our community has really come together to honor the boys and support their families. It’s beautiful,” she said. “Friendships that were once destroyed have been resolved. It has been all love since the devastation.”

Where to find help

Some local organizations have already launched Borderline and fire support groups.

Calvary Community Church in Westlake Village lost a children’s ministry leader, Noel Sparks, in the Borderline shooting. It hosted a support group Nov. 25.

Lynn Nibarger with Calvary’s care ministry said the church is also offering a GriefShare support group, “Surviving the Holidays,” from 1 to 3:30 p.m. Sat., Dec. 1.

Lighthouse Church in Newbury Park will provide free support groups through Deep Life Solutions in Camarillo. A Borderline shooting trauma support group takes place Wednesday and Friday nights at Lighthouse Church, 3353 Old Conejo Road. A wildfire trauma support group is offered on Thursdays at 1000 Paseo Camarillo St., Ste. 223, Camarillo.

Round Table Counseling in Camarillo, which offered counseling after the Route 91 shooting in Las Vegas last year, has a free therapist-led support group on Mondays from 6:30 to 8 p.m. at 1000 Paseo Camarillo St., Ste. 223, Camarillo. The group will run through Dec. 31.

Kaiser Permanente is providing a free Borderline tragedy support group to members and nonmembers on Thursdays from 4:30 to 6:30 p.m. for eight weeks beginning today, Nov. 29. The group will meet at Kaiser’s T.O. location, 145 Hodencamp Road, Ste. 100.

Kaiser Permanente will also offer wildfire support groups Wednesdays from 3:30 to 5 p.m. at 4949 Market St. in Ventura and from 5 to 6:30 p.m. at 21263 Erwin St. in Woodland Hills.

If you plan to attend a Kaiser support group, leave a message at (805) 449-3442.