City to buy Ahmanson Ranch as site for amusement park
By Michael Picarella
pic@theacorn.com

ARTIST'S RENDERING-Southern Californians can expect a huge new theme park to open next year at the Ahmanson Ranch site. The Calabasas City Council is looking forward to an incredible increase in sales tax revenue. Councilmember James Bozajian said the council plans to build bronze statues of themselves and will receive city-owned luxury vehicles to drive at taxpayer expense.

To save city programs in Calabasas that might otherwise be eliminated because of state budget cuts, the Calabasas City Council earlier this week acquired the 2,800-acre Ahmanson Ranch property in eastern Ventura County and will convert it into an amusement park.

Calabasas officials hope it will become a cash cow for city coffers.

The city had fought for many years to preserve Ahmanson Ranch as open space. Washington Mutual Bank had proposed a 3,050-home, two-golf-course development for the site. According to Calabasas City Councilman James Bozajian, now that the city owns Ahmanson Ranch, the council has no intention of protecting it.

"We need to make up for the vehicle license fee shortfall," Bozajian said.

"We decided we had to develop Ahmanson Ranch so we’ll never have financial problems again. We’ll be able to do things we’ve always wanted to do," he said.

Some of the projects might even be considered extravagant.

"We’re going to make the dome on top of city hall gold-plated," Bozajian said. "We’re going to build bronze sculptures of each of the council members to put in city hall and we’re going to purchase an executive vehicle for each of the council members from the BMW dealership."

Late last year, the state bought Ahmanson Ranch with the objective of safeguarding it from future development. Calabasas negotiators (two girls from a local swim team) convinced Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger on Monday to sell the property at half price.

Contractors will break ground on the amusement park at Ahmanson Ranch this summer.

The park will include four giant steel roller coasters that can be seen from anywhere in the city (and be heard in most neighborhoods), a midway, a special amusement area for kids, a special section for senior citizens and a special site for anyone with special interests, according to the park’s designer, April Fuler.

Fuler has proposed a cooperative agreement with California state prisons to use incarcerated criminals to operate the rides at the park. "Carnies are too expensive and want highly inflated minimum wages," Fuler said. Inmates will perform the duties at no salary as part of a community service program. Calabasas will get special credits from the state for employing inmates.

Fuler, who’s developed many of the midways at traveling carnivals around the world, said this project would be her biggest accomplishment.

"I want this place to become the heart of Calabasas," Fuler said. "When people hear the name Calabasas, I want this park to come to mind."

Fuler’s theme park doesn’t have a name yet. The Calabasas City Council will host a public forum next Wednesday night at city hall to hear suggested names. So far, the list includes the following: "Ahmanson Theme Park," "Steel Skyline Park," "Carnie Land" and "My-God,-What-Have-They-Done-to-Calabasas? Land."

The city will provide food and drinks for those who attend the special meeting. City officials hope the drinks (martinis and B52s) will soften the blow for environmentalists.

But many open-space preservationists seemed to be happy with the council’s decision to develop Ahmanson Ranch.

Gary Exxon, an environmentalist and Calabasas resident, said he didn’t want Washington Mutual to build homes at Ahmanson Ranch. He feared that the project would dump more than 46,000 more vehicles onto the 101 Freeway each day and pollute the air.

"With the amusement park, sure there might be plans for five smoke stacks—I’m not sure what for—but the developer promised us that the black smolder pumping out of the stacks wouldn’t be bad for the environment," Exxon said. "I believe what the developer has told us. Why not? Developers never lie."

Environmentalist and Calabasas resident Patti Hammermill said, "When Washington Mutual said they wanted to build homes on the Ahmanson property, we said, ‘No way, not on this beautiful land that’s been touched by God himself with its vast amount of trees.’

"If I wanted to live in an overpopulated area without trees," Hammermill said, "I would’ve moved to the San Fernando Valley when I came here from New York seven years ago.

"But I came here—to Calabasas—to live next to all these trees, to live next to the beautiful and rare spine-legged frog—or whatever it’s called—and to live next to the San Fernando red flower. If I can’t live among the endangered species, then I prefer to live next door to an amusement park."

When the amusement park opens next April, The Acorn will post a big sign at the site—for those who didn’t "get it." The sign will say: "April Fools."

The events and comments in this story are fictional; any similarities to factual events or real people are coincidental.